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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I honestly meant for this to be an abstract question for discussion purposes, and not a dissection of my family’s situation, which is complicated and something I don’t feel like getting into.

I’ll share that I am the DH, and left biglaw litigation after only a few years for a GS-14/15 gig. I make a little less than 165k now (less when I transitioned). It wasn’t just the hours and mental exhaustion; it was feeling like a fish out of water, hating litigation and the acrimony, not aspiring to be a partner at all. Missed my wife and friends dearly when I was chained to desk or travel. Only times I felt happy was when work was light enough to be manageable, but not so light that I worried about hours.

But that transition has caused friction within my marriage, in some aspects justifiably so. It’s hard sometimes to balance your responsibilities to provide and be a good spouse with not feeling dead inside, and that’s something I struggle with a lot.[/quote]

OP, I feel your pain. The money isn't worth it if you're miserable. I left a law job at a larger firm to start my own business. I went from making same as my spouse to making $0 initially. DH became sole provider and had to help me pay my law school loans (he had no school loans). We lived in a small townhome and had no money for any extras - and I mean that. I remember lying to people about why we didn't have time for vacation or like the pool because I didn't want to say that we couldn't pay for those things. Overall, DH helped pick up my slack for a few years until I finally came through in my new business. I'm now the bigger earner in the household (10 years later) and write him checks for the side projects that he wants to do.

The point of this is that the money between you should be fluid. I know not many people agree with me but that support and understanding early on from my DH when I made no money and was ALL DEBT changed our trajectory. It helped me become a better parent, attorney and spouse. And I make more money now to make up for it.

Hopefully you and your spouse can work something out because you're in it for the long haul. Try to figure out what's in you and your family's best interest overall and create a support system for bigger picture needs.

Not sure if that helps but I understand why you left. Hope it works out. [/quote]

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