Reply to DH working out every night for 2 hours

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You really can't deal with your kids on your own for 2-4 hrs at a time?[/quote]

:roll: [/quote]

It’s not that I can’t . The question is why should I have to? [/quote]

[b]I’m with the op. Her kids are gone all day. His workload is slow. Pregnant physician op is on her feet all day long and when she gets home she has to cook and clean and be on top of the 2 kids and he disappears when the kid haven’t been home all day anyway?

My suggestion is to sit down and outline all the things that need to get done. Talk about streamlining things so when baby comes nobody has to nag anyone else. Join Instacart so you don’t have to shop. Hire someone to clean if you can. Then split the rest up. Because 2 hours of alone time every day is GOLD and you each should get the same amount if possible. I have a physician spouse who is gone a lot and is exhausted when they get home[/b]. [/quote]

New poster. OP, I hope you come back and re-read the post I put into bold above. [i]This is the most practical, and least judgmental and angry, way to approach this.[/i]

I would add, OP, that I haven't seen you come back to answer one question someone asked early on: Have you told your DH you are frustrated by this? If so, what did you say (how did you phrase it) and what was his response? Are you actually both communicating about this? If not, you both need to step up the communication. Yes, of course he ought to know how hard you work, but frankly if you're assuming he should know by osmosis that he's upsetting and angering you -- please drop that assumption and actually talk to him. Do not do it when the kids are running around, when you're tired right after work, as he's heading out the door for another run. You will get angry and he will then get defensive and neither of you will actually hear the other one at a time like that.

Also: Things like working out are ways we all can avoid stuff for a time with a very legit excuse. I do it too, with certain errands which frankly I extend with some extra driving around, to get alone time because we are both working from home. I definitely know people who have admitted they work out extra-long times as a way to get alone time. So this is a pretty common thing to do--and he may not even view it as exercising just to get away from the kids but might genuinely think it's only about the exercise. That is NOT an excuse, OP, but it could be an explanation, and one worth keeping in your mind. If he's going to stick to his guns about two hours of workout, he's going to have to flex the timing of it.

You and he need to talk about this, and as the wise PP above says, implement some serious ways to deal. Schedules, charts, helpers. You have a third kid coming and that's only going to exacerbate things. Throw money and organization at the issue. Should you HAVE to? No. But if you don't want this to fester, do it. And yes, he needs to understand how his exercise schedule affects you and your feelings about him!

Oh, and OP, you know that DCUM always, always defaults in its hive mind to "Cheating!!" in every case like this, right? As soon as I read just your thread title, I knew the "he's cheating" posters would come out of the woodwork. Ignore. They project their own problems into every single post about every other marriage.

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