Reply to Is it selfish to move abroad for good when you're an only child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]my fil lives in california. both my husband and his sister live on the east coast. fil cared for mil before she passed. now fil health is declining and neither my dh or sil want to go help. both are busy with work. fil.does not want to move to be closer to us. even with siblings, when there is distance , it isnt so easy. 
I offered to go help him get established in an assisted living home so he can have company and people to keep an eye on him but no one wants to pay for it. despite $$$ being available. 
if it was me, I would have flown back and tried to force my father to move back with me. if he refused, I would have gone the assisted living route and try to visit 2-3 times a year. but I am not in your shoes.[/quote]

OP here. It's hard, isn't it. And it's not as simple as some people think it is.

My Dad was a proud, independent man who could be stubborn and difficult at times. A relative on Mom's side of the family had hinted that I should move my Dad into assisted living. However at the time I saw this as 'betrayal' and 'dumping' my Dad, especially as he was only in his early 60s. Also my Dad would NEVER  have moved into assisted living or a care home willingly.

Probably one of the reasons some family members stopped offering help was my Dad's mental health. He'd had a couple of mini strokes which affected his behaviour. For instance he would never write a shopping list and he found it hard to organize his thoughts. He'd call someone twice a day to get groceries or at awkward times.

As I said earlier, knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't have moved abroad. I never even thought about the consequences of moving far away from parents and relatives.

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