Reply to Husband said I’m selfish and terrible wife and he will divorce me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I had a yelling match just now. We were over at the in laws for a Father’s Day celebration. We left around 2 pm and left their place  around 8:20pm. The long-standing issue seems to be that my husband, whenever we go over there, doesn’t seem to want to leave until very late. His reasoning for that is that his mother’s feelings get hurt. Whenever we have gone over there, we stay over until 11 pm or so or end up spending the night. As I’ve gotten older, I’d much prefer to come home at at a more reasonable hour on a Sunday. I need to shower, do laundry or prepare for the week and would like to get home at a time when I have a few hours to get myself situated before my week begins.

I have been telling my husband when we go over there to leave for home at 7:30 pm or so but he doesn’t commit to anything. Today we were over there and we left at 8:20 pm. I was tired and kept trying to hint to him to leave. We get in the car and he tells me I embarrassed him by keep checking the time. Everyone knows I wanted to leave and their feelings get hurt.

I was angry and told him it’s actually he that keeps disrespecting me. I said mean things, he said mean things. It escalated to a screaming match where I told him I feel foolish as it’s obvious he doesn’t care about me. He called me names and told me f*ck you! He said he hates me and I’m a selfish and terrible wife and he wants to divorce me and he is leaving. He starts trying to pack and I start crying and told him to stop. He screamed that he didn’t want to see my face.

I’m shaking and crying in the bedroom. 
[b]
Am I a terrible wife?[/b] [/quote]

It concerns me that this is your question after your husband's behavior. Sure you could have taken another car. Agreed to him staying the night or ubering home, but that's irrelevant. him screaming at you calling names etc is so far over the line of appropriateness and is in abusive territory. Please take this as the warning sign it is and get out now.[/quote]

Typical DCUM, take the wife's side and blame the husband.  OP said that it escalated into a screaming match and the both said mean things.  She mentioned what mean things he said, but not what mean things she said.  And yet, you call his behavior abusive, but not hers.  Some clear sexism going on here.

OP--you are not a terrible wife.  You together are a bad couple.  If there is any hope, you two need couples counseling and quickly.  You were disrespectful by watching the clock.  Based on your SIL's behavior, you were clearly doing so frequently enough that not only did your husband notice, but his whole family did, too.  You clearly made it seem as if you did not want to stay there and that you were counting down the time until you could get your husband to leave.  That's rude.  To be fair, your husband was rude to you, as well, but you were rude to his entire family and you did embarass him.

You need to learn to communicate better.  You were both rather passive aggressive.  You clearly mentioned that you did not like the late night visits and wanted a commitment to leave earlier.  He was passive aggressive by being non-commital and then acting offended when you dragged him away.  You were being passive aggressive by being blatantly obvious in checking the time frequently enough that his in-laws noticed and your husband was embarrassed.  You are both being poor at communicating with each other and respecting each other.  I don't particularly think you are any worse than he is; but I don't think you are any better either.  You both were wrong and you both did terrible things.  If there is any hope, you, as I said you need counseling and need to learn to communicate better.  And you need to find a way to compromise.  Either you drive separately or one of you commits to compromising on when to leave.  Or perhaps you both compromise one when to leave and pick sometime in the middle that you can both agree on, but you should agree to it before you go.

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