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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your marriage is not in a better place.  Stop kidding yourself.[/quote]

Yes I agree. Maybe they need to stay with their spouse because of kids and finances. I get that. However, it won't ever be a real marriage. It's been contaminated and dirtied to the point there's no recovery.  If a victim has to stay for whatever reason, I would move on but consider them my roommate going forward. I wouldn't tell them either, much like they didn't tell you your marriage was fake all along. If you can at some point get out then do so, but there's no marriage at this point.[/quote]

I really don't think you can say a 20-year marriage, and most likely longer relationship from time they met was fake with a 1-month affair midlife.  People do weird things in midlife, usually having to do with internal conflict and trauma, which is really outside the norm of their usual behavior.

Not all marriages are the same.  Not all people are the same.

If it was a good relationship and happy marriage and family prior, if the betrayed shows serious remorse and does the work, it's not worth throwing everything away.

Unless you have been in a two decade long marriage with kids AND experienced this, you have no idea.  Everyone says 'I would throw him/her' to the curb.  Everyone.  The reality of the situation is very different when it happens.  [/quote]

There are so many, SOOOO many who have been through this in the 20+ marriage category.  65%, and some don't even know it!

A lot of the marriages you think so highly of on the outside, just might have this secret.  People rarely talk to others about it.  One of the marriages I admired the most, just two great people that you can tell are deeply in love (not the fake social media type), the one they support and talk to one another and look at one another...shocked to find out 10 years later--that one of them had a midlife affair--wife confided in me.[/quote]

Why do you think the wife told you that?

It's still pretty stupid to claim an affair made your marriage better.[/quote]

When pp claimed "one of the marriages I admired the most", I knew that was a red flag. I've had close friends whereby from the outside you thought they were the happily married couple. If one cheated I think that says it all pp. It's like the Jones with the big house, and designer car who are swimming in debt.  I know a few of those too![/quote]

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