Reply to what do SAHMs do once kids are in school?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To address the OP directly, there could be many reasons for DW's evasion of your questioning. Perhaps she feels overwhelmed by the scope of these long-term projects you mention. Perhaps her skills as, say, a handyman, if that's the case, are limited and it's difficult for her to get going. It's possible her time during the day is her only privacy and she evades your questions to protect her privacy - not entirely reasonable but possible. We're not all WonderWoman. i also would consider one PPs suggestion that her time "off" do not coincide with your time "off." E.g. I am on duty during the evenings, cooking, cleaning up after dinner, getting lunches ready and getting kids into bed, while that's DH's time off. So perhaps she's taking time during the day to paint her nails, bathe, veg ... . It's also possible the the kids only recently started school full time - is the youngest a kindergartner? Maybe she's adjusting to this new normal and trying to find her own space/time continuum.[/quote]

Thank you for this.  This is it - all of it.  And I am very real.  And I swear I am not trying to start anything.  I am seriously upset and our relationship is suffering because of it and I wanted to come on here and ask - in case I was missing something - before getting into what will probably be big fights for a while coming.

I appreciate everyone's honest feedback.  But to be honest - for everyone that brought up very valid and normal responses about what you do while your kids are at school, I think that is what I expected my partner to do.  But all those things aren't getting done.  And I think that's where my frustration lies.  I wouldn't be so frustrated if all these things were getting done, but it seems like she just checked out and does nothing while our kids are at school.

to the pp, I think you may have a point.  Our youngest started kindergarten this year.  But when I get home, the house is a mess with toys scattered all over and most days dinner isn't cooked.  Basically, we all just fend for ourselves.  She tells me the kids were hungry after school so she made them a heavy snack so by the time I get home they aren't hungry so I just make myself something.  Also, we have a ton of projects that we were waiting until the kids went back to school for her to do -and not handyman type projects - since we're both women, we always outsource those.  But things like pack up the infant toys and clothes to sell or give them away.  Put the crib up on craigs list to sell.  things like that.  And every time I ask her about them, she tells me she had too much to do.  She is completely against going back to work.  Also, for background.  She wasn't a SAHM for long.  She lost her job about 2 years ago and after looking for something else and getting really frustrated, we decided as a family that she should try the SAHM thing.  Our kids finished out the day care year - so back then, our youngest kid stayed in DC until 4 or 5 (even when I'd insist she pick her up early, she would say our DD would be miserable at home because she loved playing with all the other kids) and then she enterd kindergarten.

Honestly, I am not trying to stir the pot, but am feeling resentful and getting more and more upset.  I seriously would have NO problem with her being a SAHM if I came home and things were actually done around the house.  She does put the kids to bed, give them bath, etc. so maybe the pp is right that my down time is in the evenings and hers is during the day.  Ugh, I just have to figure out what to do about this.  I don't want us growing apart because of this.  Honestly, part of me is waiting for the summer when both kids are home full time so that DW would see how hard a job being a SAHM is when the kids are home FT.  It may incent her to decide to start looking for a job herself.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I wanted to assure everyone I am real, I am frustrated, and I think our situation is not typical of other SAHMs who do a lot for the family.  I just wish my partner did as much as well.   :([/quote]

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