Reply to Managing parents expectations about alone time with granddaughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Later this summer, we are renting a house with my parents, my brothers + spouses, and our (my wife and I, and my brother + SIL) two 10 month old daughters. This is the first time we've all been together in person since Thanksgiving 2019, as we don't all live in the same city.

Due to being a "COVID baby," our daughter struggles around people and places that she's unfamiliar with. As a result, my wife has anxiety about leaving her alone for extended periods of time. For example, we've been taking her to my wife parents (who live 15 mins away from us) mutiple times a week for an hour here and there. Sometimes our daughter is okay, other times she is not, but the crux of the matter is that my wife is anxious about leaving her alone. We've gotten a little better on working on her anxiety about this situation (last weekend went out to eat just the two of us for the first time since our daughter was born!), but there's still a ways for her to go.

Anyways, in talking about planning this trip with my family, the schedule has been centered around the "kids (me, wife, brothers + spouses) going to do some activity in the afternoon, while my parents watch the babies. Given her anxiety, my wife isn't comfortable with leaving our daughter alone with them in an unfamiliar setting, which i 100% support. Regardless of if her anxiety is justified (which is a whole separate topic) the fact of the matter is that she's not going to suddenly become more comfortable with leaving her alone in the next few weeks.

However, the issue is how to deal with my family. Since this is really the first time my parents have gotten to spend 1:1 with both granddaughters at the same time, they keep saying how excited they are to spend some 1:1 time. It also doesn't help that my brother + SIL are totally on the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of leaving their baby alone, so they're trying to plan all these activities during the day that aren't baby friendly at all. I also know that my family can be judgemental about this type of thing (I can just hear my mom saying "oh leave her with us! It'll be fine!). I could also see my parents getting offended that we don't want to leave our daughter with them alone (which is shitty of them, so that'll be a treat to deal with). I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how do I communicate with my family that we aren't comfortable leaving our daughter alone without throwing my wife under the bus about her anxiety, but also ensuring that no one is offended? 
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If your dd has been left alone with her parents and you say no to yours there is no way there isn't going to be hurt feelings on your parents.  Do you think your pareents incapable of caring for your dd?  Why are her parents better than yours?  Honestly, you should not go if your wife is going to be this way.  Don't be surprised if your daughter does not have a great relationship with your parents.  Or if your parents favor the other grandchild.[/quote]

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