Reply to Not sure how to handle ghosting au pair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. So she wrote that today worked for her and I think the meeting went well. It was brief (15 mins), cleared the air, and I hope set clearer lines for the summer.

Looking back there were only 2 unpaid hours (four hours total, but two after I realized my mistake) since she arrived this spring that I’d specifically asked for childcare. The challenge I think is figuring out what is paid childcare and what isn’t. Like if they say “we’re going to the park, Suzie wants to know if Larla can join us” I don’t think I’d typically offer to pay. If they were all walking to school and ran into each other I think there were times my husband asked the au pair of she needed him and didn’t walk with them. If I asked her to walk with Larla that would be different to me (and is one of the unpaid hours I’m thinking of) but am counting those encounters in our overstep. I think the play dates are harder for me to figure out because if Larla went to a friend’s house for a play date or vice versa I wouldn’t think to pay or be paid, but get that the au pair is an employee.

Anyway, I apologized for making her uncomfortable and putting her in a bad situation, asked what her hope is for interactions going forward, and proposed that we leave it up to her to let me know if they want play dates or not. Shy of inviting “her” kids over or asking “what time should I pick up Larla?” I will not contact her and we’ll see if that feels better. I told her I hadn’t quite figured out best schedules yet but I’d also try to adjust my work schedule to have more time when I can watch everyone and give her more breaks. She said she’d really like to have more outings where it’s me and my kids and her and her kids where she feels like we’re being families together and not just her with no adults / not being appreciated.

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NP - you have to stop using the AP for child care.  Period. It's not allowed & you are taking advantage of her.  Get your own au pair and send them out to take care of the kids together.[/quote]

Op here - honest question. We’re in an apartment an au pair is out of the question. Younger child is in preschool and older child is doing a mix this summer of camps and unscheduled time. So, if the au pair were to say “can Larla come over from 1-4 today?” Then what? I only say yes if I can go to? (Under that circumstance the answer would often be no.) [/quote]

You make sure the au pair knows that Larla will be coming over solo and confirm that's okay.  Then you reciprocate and have a playdate later with Larla and friend.  Just like you would with another parent.   Keep it even-ish.  [/quote]

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