Reply to Not sure how to handle ghosting au pair

Forum Index » Childcare other than Daycare and Preschool

Reply to "Not sure how to handle ghosting au pair "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. So she wrote that today worked for her and I think the meeting went well. It was brief (15 mins), cleared the air, and I hope set clearer lines for the summer.

Looking back there were only 2 unpaid hours (four hours total, but two after I realized my mistake) since she arrived this spring that I’d specifically asked for childcare. [b]The challenge I think is figuring out what is paid childcare and what isn’t.[/b] Like if they say “we’re going to the park, Suzie wants to know if Larla can join us” I don’t think I’d typically offer to pay. If they were all walking to school and ran into each other I think there were times my husband asked the au pair of she needed him and didn’t walk with them. If I asked her to walk with Larla that would be different to me (and is one of the unpaid hours I’m thinking of) but am counting those encounters in our overstep. I think the play dates are harder for me to figure out because if Larla went to a friend’s house for a play date or vice versa I wouldn’t think to pay or be paid, but get that the au pair is an employee.

Anyway, I apologized for making her uncomfortable and putting her in a bad situation, asked what her hope is for interactions going forward, and proposed that we leave it up to her to let me know if they want play dates or not. Shy of inviting “her” kids over or asking “what time should I pick up Larla?” I will not contact her and we’ll see if that feels better. I told her I hadn’t quite figured out best schedules yet but [b]I’d also try to adjust my work schedule to have more time when I can watch everyone and give her more breaks.[/b] She said she’d really like to have more outings where it’s me and my kids and her and her kids where she feels like we’re being families together and not just her with no adults / not being appreciated. [/quote]
Okay everyone here sounds nuts. Stop using her for childcare, don't hang out with the aupair. This is all so so weird. If i was her I'd try to get a new placement to get away from this wacky situation[/quote]
DOS here.  I would *never* pay someone else's au pair for work.  It's against the program rules, and could get their J1 visa revoked.  Why would you put everyone in that situation?  You need to start thinking differently about this au pair.  She is *not* a free agent nanny/babysitter.  You can't pay her (would you want to put her in a position to have her J1 visa revoked?) And you also can't put her in a position where she is working.  You should have joint play dates (both adults present), or an equitable play date relationship (which is barter, essentially - as long as both sides are amenable), or nothing.

Au pairs are vulnerable to exploitation when the system doesn't work as it should.  Do some research on the au pair program so that you can re-set your expectations.

DH dumping Larla on the au pair during the am school walk *is* childcare IMO, unless your DH paid the au pair back by taking the both kids a different day.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics