Reply to 1 kid vs. 2 kids - how did you decide?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]
Tell me more about:
-How you came to the conclusion to have a 2nd child[b]
-How you came to the conclusion to just stick with 1 child[/b][b]
-In hindsight, are there moments when you wish you made a different decision? If so, what are those?[/b]
[b]-Looking back, what advice would you give to yourself? What do you wish you knew at that time?[/b][/quote]

I decided to stop at 1. She's 19 months old now, and I have a copper IUD (so, set-and-forget birth control but no permanent sterilization). Despite her young age, I know the decision is final.

I was on-the-fence about having kids at all. I like kids in the abstract, in their sweeter moments especially, and feel an outpouring of empathy for kids in tough situations. Can't look at Syrian refugee news stories because the kid pictures make me cry, etc. But the chaos and demanding nature of parenting young kids - and the time and energy it takes away from other parts of life, namely self-identity and the couple/relationship - are stressful and draining to me. I especially can't stand the all-consuming culture of American parenting these days. I don't want to invest so much in my child, although of course I want her to be happy. I want her to go with the flow of what the adults are doing, respect me and her father as individuals and as a couple outside of being parents, and enjoy an adult-led family dynamic. But that's not super acceptable these days.

I'm a happier mom with just one. We also travel and move frequently, which is far easier with just one. I find the baby and toddler years to be particularly relentless and I had *the easiest* child, as affirmed by pediatricians, nannies and grandmas throughout her life. Slept through the night at 11 weeks old, barely cries, sweet and huggy and easygoing. And it's still too damn hard sometimes. I am a warm, loving mom, but I rely on outside help as much as possible and plan to do so for the foreseeable future. I've had twinges of "what if" when I'm on my period sometimes - PMS makes me maternal and weepy! - and I imagine I'll have them again when she's old enough to want a playmate. She does have cousins close in age and already is good at making friends, so I'm hoping that will fill the gap.

I felt a lot of angst in the first year after having her, when I already knew I'd be a one-and-done parent. I grew up hearing a lot of negative platitudes about only children. I also had the idea that it had to be zero or 2. My husband was always happy with 0, 1, or 2 as potential options. Advice I would give to myself: Don't worry about what others may think.

I wish I could say that noble reasons about climate change were part of the calculus, but no, it's all about me and my family ;-)[/quote]

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