Reply to 1 kid vs. 2 kids - how did you decide?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Currently have one toddler right now who is so fun, but also a handful and very stressful for us - lack of sleep, daycare was closed due to COVID, etc.

We are getting older, so we need to decide this year whether to go for Baby #2. We do not have the luxury of time.

Right now, we are both ambivalent. And so, so tired. Exhausted. By 8pm, we collapse on the couch. Physically we are a lot less healthy since the birth of our child - a lot less sleep, eating unhealthy, lack of time to exercise, weight gain, etc.

We can afford a 2nd kid, but finances will be stretched thinner. We both work long hours in corporate jobs that require checking emails into the night.

Tell me more about:
-How you came to the conclusion to have a 2nd child
-How you came to the conclusion to just stick with 1 child
-In hindsight, are there moments when you wish you made a different decision? If so, what are those?
-Looking back, what advice would you give to yourself? What do you wish you knew at that time?

In truth, I think we feel some pressure to have a 2nd kid because "it's the right thing to do." We have other friends and family members with kids who have literally said to us "[NAME] shouldn't be an only child - that would be so sad!" There is a sense of guilt that we may be depriving our current kid a more fulfilling life with a sibling. Of course, we know deep-down this isn't true or rational: only-kids can can have extremely rich and fulfilling life experiences without a sibling.

But I hate to think that we were pressured into #2. I am content with our kid now and the fact that our child is getting easier to manage and more self-sufficient. In so many ways our baby was easy compared to other families we know, but it was also a lot more difficult in ways that pre-parent me could not have imagined.

This is a really tough decision. Thoughts?[/quote]

If you're ambivalent, you shouldn't have more kids. And you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You'll have to get a pretty thick skin (and maybe a sassy remark) if people continue to make rude comments.

I always hoped for two or three kids, and we have three. In my heart, I wouldn't have wanted to stop at one. I'm happy to have been this lucky.

The only thing I would add is that I was a bit of a mess with my first child: anxious and lonely. I probably had PPD, though I didn't know it. Everything went better with my second and third kids. I was more confident and in the zone, and it was great to see the kids develop relationships with each other. I wouldn't have done anything differently.

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