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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone experiences this - "I love your mom!" etc. whereas you know real person behind closed doors.  It's nothing special.  The fact that you think your experience is special, and that you are posting here like it's a competition of you vs. mom, when will you win and she be found out, indicates you too may have narcissistic traits.  [/quote]

That's what I was thinking.[/quote]

NP here with a narcissist parent.  I think this downplays the types of things that happen. For example, my father went to the same university as me and was an engaged alumnus, always there for events and stuff. He would show up unannounced at my dorm sometimes to say hello, and would end up saying absolutely horrible things to me (like I was a failure and an embarrassment and ruined his life by being so pathetic, etc).  I’d be so upset I couldn’t eat or sleep or study for days.  And later the day or weekend of his visit I’d see someone on campus who knew him, and they’d say “ I saw your dad at the alumni such and such today. He is so proud of you, he went on and on about your [studies, sports, etc].”  Total mind f**k.

30 years later, he is unwell and needs a lot of care. My sibling lives in the same town and spends countless hours bringing groceries and ferrying him to doctors appointments and mowing his lawn, and every now and then he will accuse my sibling of not being there for him when he’s in need.

Anyway, OP, I agree with the PP that this is really about you and not the people who don’t seem to know any better. It took a lot of therapy, and mourning the father I never had, to not let these conversations get to me.  I just smile and nod at those people (although I like PP‘s suggestion to smile and say “I’m glad you’ve had a good experience with them”) But it isn’t worth trying to correct these peoples opinions. Just take care of yourself and detach from it. That said, whenever I see posts here or a dear Abby type letters from people who think a child has cut off a parent for no reason, I always side with the kid and I assume there is something like this that the poster doesn’t see.[/quote]

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