Reply to "Kids are resilient!"

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Reply to ""Kids are resilient!""

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[quote=Anonymous]This is also kid temperament dependent. There are orchids, dandelions, and tulips.

Some kids will flourish no matter the circumstances and it looks like they are just resilient. Resiliency is a psychological theory and isnt completely fleshed out. There are lots of different definitions depending on the culture and environment (physical, social, mental, etc.). Positive experiences and emotions play a big role in resiliency. Its part of ego development. There is speculation that social connectedness, emotional regulation and "determination" are contributing factors. Some people are also resilient at certain times in their life and not resilient in others or resilient in certain aspects (personal/family) but not resilient in others (work/school).

From my understanding of resiliency, capacity is a big component. Emotional capacity is a big one meaning that kids need to acknowledge and feel safe expressing a wide range of emotions in early years. If kids are taught they are not allowed to be angry or sad then when something happens that makes them angry or sad they cant respond because it doesnt exist within their framework. If kids are taught that certain emotions or feelings are shameful and shouldnt be shared then they lose the ability to connect with others on that level. Capacity to trust is another factor in resiliency.

Once they can acknowledge certain feelings then comes the what to do about it and that comes from parents and modeling. "I am sad about grandpa dying too. I really loved him and I think you loved him too. Its okay to be sad about losing grandpa. I have some thoughts about what I need to do to honor grandpa and process life without him. Do you have any ideas about what you would like to do- together or on your own?"

There are very few kids who just say - Oh I was left alone most of my childhood without any real direction or modeling, had no parental or social support, had trouble making friends and now I am going to be a fully functioning adult who positively contributes to society. 
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