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Reply to ""Kids are resilient!""

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[quote=Anonymous]I think somehow we need to figure out how to teach our kids how to process things but ALSO how to move on. PP who's child lost their father, you find it upsetting to hear this, but the alternative is that your child is forever scarred by this and will never recover. I can't imagine that you want to have a 30 year old son who believes that losing his father irrevocably injured his life.

You can frame something as having left an indelible mark on you without accepting that your entire life will be shaped by the event.

I think people who use this as some excuse to mistreat children or to not deal with their trauma are bad parents and wrong, but IMO learning how to persevere through something, even if its hard, even if it still hurts, that is how you get through life.

Life is hard, you have to get back up again. You have to keep getting back up again. And I don't think this is the same as toxic positivity (which I think is a really real thing). It's how people in the zombie movies become the people who survive, you can't sit there crying, you need to stand up and figure out what your next move is.

I also have a high ACE score and while I do have some of the lifetime impacts (high BMI, anxiety, etc) I am also a survivor who always gets back up. I have a good husband and family and job and I credit this to my resilience.

I do think though that for every me, and every pp above with the score of 5, there are 10 kids that just end up screwed up. People should try to help children learn how to cope, not just throw then into the deep end and see who survives. But never letting them in the pool is IMO almost as bad as the people seeing who will sink and who will swim. [/quote]

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