Reply to Seeing OPP (other people’s parenting) up close

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I mean, in my sister’s defense, I think what she would say is that the reason she does these things is because her kids are the most difficult children that have ever walked the earth. And I agree that her oldest is really a hard kid. And I wonder if it’s because of her parenting or because of his innate temperament. But if you asked her she’d say she does these things to cope with how challenging he is (like she’s trying to use diet to treat ADHD if I had to guess but she’d NEVER admit that he has ADHD, or the cosleeping thing I think she does because her kids would tantrum if she didn’t and she can’t bear it).[/quote]

I’m the poster who suggested she had OCD. I’m also a research scientist and have studied ADHD extensively.

My oldest has special needs, and severe ADHD, and I had to adjust my parenting accordingly. We tried everything (diet, behavioral modification, etc) before understanding that meds were in order. Parenting a child with multiple issues is very hard, particularly in that early phase when you don’t even know what the diagnoses are, and even more so if one parent refuses to even consider an evaluation or treatment. Been there, done that. It’s hell.

Please understand that her parenting did NOT cause her children’s issues!!! Don’t put that most unfair blame on this poor woman who is already struggling so much! However, also understand that these behaviors are inheritable. Either your sister or her husband or both have similar issues that may never have been diagnosed. This contributes to the mess, because it’s hard for an affected parent to recognize their child needs help when they themselves received none, and it’s difficult for them to get organized enough to lead a normal life if the parents themselves have mental health issues. Double whammy.

FYI: comorbidities are frequent in psychiatry, and the same inherited genetic profile can present with a different diagnosis in related family members. ADHD, ASD, various presentations of anxiety (including OCD and hoarding) can all be present in one or more members of the same family.

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