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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat? [/quote]

We are the same.  We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities. [/quote]

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now.  But we are happy where we are.  We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the  extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives a car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies. [/quote]

Yes, we are.  First generation of immigrant.[/quote]

That tracks.

We are not in a profession where we have to have to entertain wealthy clients lavish or have a flashy lifestyle. We are IT folks who are somewhat nerdy. When our HHI increased, out SOL did not change drastically. What money gave to us was  flexibility of options, convenience, financial security and ability to help family and charities. Being aware how worthier people than us are making far less money makes us also save for the future and control mindless spending. [/quote]

:roll:

We are also first Gen immigrants. We have changed homes and neighborhoods six times since we got married. Started in a studio apartment, now in a 10,000+ sqft home. We chose our life for us, not for others. Some friends have stayed with us, some have dropped off. True friendship are those that are maintained by both sides, not the ones we have to keep by holding ourselves back. What's more important is that we have made new friends. My kids are US-born. What's important for them is that they melt into the American culture and understand the importance of building a good social and professional network. We work hard for what we earn, and I don't feel at all guilty spending the money I earn on things I enjoy.  To those that do, you only have yourself to blame and I pray that your children are permanently harmed by the same poison. [/quote]

Yup. Immigrants use the large homes as a status symbol.  The telltale sign is a shabby, unkept yard, old cars, and zero landscape. On the inside, no furniture or in some cases plastic lawn furniture (not making this up as I have an immigrant friend like this whom I visited sometime back). There was also a bare twin mattress on the floor in the main level guest bedroom - no bed frame.  This family had been in this large home for st least 10 years so this was not a situation where they just moved in.  Clearly this family was trying to just “look rich”.  [/quote]

You should not take one of your immigrant friend and generalized all immigrants are like this.[/quote]

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