Reply to Is it selfish for a divorced mom to have more children with a new spouse?

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Reply to "Is it selfish for a divorced mom to have more children with a new spouse?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I have no moral judgments about it and I’m sure for some families it has worked out just fine, or even quite well.

The reason to be careful has nothing to do with morality or “selfishness”, but instead with the lived reality of how this often plays out, even when it goes relatively well.

When you make a family with someone and divorce, and then both parents remarry (sometimes to partners who also have children from previous relationships), and then each of the parents end up making more babies in their new families, you’ve greatly complicated your family system. Even if everyone is sane and has good intentions, your kids are still growing up with a very complex family dynamic including step siblings, half siblings, full siblings, and step parents. This never changes and continues literally for the rest of the child’s life.

Then add in that the divorce rate for 2nd marriages with kids is upwards of 70%.

There are absolutely exceptions and families that have managed to navigate this well. But most think they can or think they are when they are most definitely not.

I grew up in a family like this and it continues to suck. My parents are deeply obsessed with playing “happy family” in their new blended families and are basically never available one on one. I always have to engage with my step family.

If I ever get divorced, I’ll never remarry and have more kids. But dating is just fine!! Just don’t “blend” your families or make more babies. Enjoy dating when your kid is with the other parent. [/quote]

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