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[quote=Anonymous]You've had some good recommendations here.  If I had to list out 3 books to read first it would be

The Explosive Child (https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0062270451)
The Kazdin Method (https://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826)
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk (https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889)

If you grew up in an authoritarian household and have problems implementing positive parenting techniques, you might also need to do some unpacking of your own learned behavior.  It's been a while since I've read it, but I recall the first part of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, PhD (https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Emotionally-Intelligent-Child-Parenting/dp/0684838656) to be especially powerful.  Having been in this situation myself, I learned that the parenting tools I learned as a child were not better and moreover were insufficient for parenting the child I have and damaging to our relationship.

One last note regarding Oppositional Defiance Disorder since someone brought it up -- there is a lot of debate among psychologists about the validity of this diagnosis.  Essentially it is purely a diagnosis of a symptom that almost always traces back to a foundational disorder such as Autism, ADHD, or Anxiety (or some combination).  When you understand the underlying diagnosis and implement effective strategies, which may include different parenting techniques, therapy, and/or medication, ODD magically goes away.
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