Reply to If You Are Significantly Smarter Than Your Spouse...

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If You Are Significantly Smarter Than Your Spouse..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have more formal education than my husband. (A doctorate, he has an Associates Degree). We love each other to death and have been married 20 years. In a nutshell, our skills are complementary. It took a long time, but I don't try to change him anymore and he does the same for me.. Intellectually he is an equal but his strengths are different from mine and when I have hard dark thoughts like you are describing I  take a breath and realize all of his strengths and the ways he is actually better than me. He is a better cook, he is more open to people, (and to new experiences), he is better at saving money, he forgives more easily, he has more knowledge of history, he is less neurotic, etc. Look for the good. [/quote]

OK, I can relate to your post, and to this one above. The way I look at it is, every couple struggles with one or more dimensions of their compatibility. When you’re with someone who isn’t educated in the same way as you, or maybe isn’t as articulate or academic, it can be a struggle to respect their intelligence, especially when the woman is more educated. There’s a definite gender dimension to this. The reality is, this will probably intensify with age. There are two ways to look at it. If you don’t respect his intelligence, and you think having deep conversations is what you desire most out of life, then you are probably heading toward divorce. But another way to look at this is that you can’t expect to get everything from one person, and youn have to accept him for who he is, and if you try to make him more “intellectual,” it’s not gonna happen. You have to respect and focus on his strengths, and let go of your wishes to connect with him about deep topics. It doesn’t mean you’re going to have a bad relationship. Most couples aren’t having deep discussions, they are connecting in other ways, and there are lots of ways to connect with your partner. This is what I try to do in my relationship of 20 plus years. [/quote]

OP here. So so helpful. Thank you. In what other ways do you connect? Perhaps this is what we're missing. And long work days and hectic childcare schedules don't provide many openings. And the few windows that we've had in the past year are very unsatisfying.[/quote]

We connect more the way friends do -we crack jokes, we chat about our day, we cook together, have fun with our kids. We maintain a good sex life. I can’t have greatly satisfying conversations with him like some of my other guy friends, but I’ve come to terms with this. I remind myself that I had zero chemistry and connection with a lot of those guys who I had deep conversations with - a lot of them were arrogant or just a-holes.

Good luck.  You have to stare this issue in the face and decide if you can live with it or not. You may decide it’s just not enough fir you to be with someone who doesn’t stimulate your intellect. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics