Reply to Sad about minuscule pool of eligible men after divorce at 44

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Early 40s divorced woman here. You and I have kind of simliar situations. You stayed in a marriage for your child when you probably should have left. So did I. The difference is that I never had a good marriage and was about to leave and had an accidental pregnancy in a place where my career was not located and I could not leave. I stayed...until I could not...wasted a decade. But here is the key difference...the moment I I had the positive unplanned pregnancy test, I knew it was over (the dream of having a marriage I wanted with a man I wanted to be with)--I was now stuck with a child with someone I did not want to be with. I knew that staying meant I would probably never have the relationship I really wanted because time would pass me by. I was already in my early 30s then...it would be have been fine for me to start over without the pregnancy but once that happened, I knew my chances of having what I really wanted would probably never happened since I was staying. So, when I finallly divorced in my early 40s, I had no illusions about the supply of men. I divorced assuming I would stay single forever and may never be in love again (the last time I was in love was before my bad marriage that was always a mistake).

I am sorry you are going through this now and it must seem overwhelming. I was prepared for it and divorced knowing that ship has sailed.

I have dated younger men. It's fine but I am not under the impression it will turn into anything. I think you are right that men never married by 40 likely have issues. I just learned that myself the hard way recently. I thought maybe I did find what I was looking for, but then issues came out than explained why he had never married.

Back to square 1 for me. But I am okay with the fact that the long-term partnershlp I wanted is not likely to ever happen. If I have some companions that last a year or two here and there, that is really good enough for me now. I was devastated 10 years ago when I accepted this was probably never going to happen for me when I stayed due to the pregnancy. I guess I already went through this early in my marriage vs. going through it upon divorce.

Good luck. [/quote]

NP: i don’t understand with these stories why you would knowingly stay in a bad marriage and not tell the other person.  It sounds like you stayed in the marriage for you and not your child.

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