Reply to Would you date a man with a child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He does not see. He does pay child support. It was an ONS if that makes a difference, and the mom doesn't want him involved.[/quote]

Dating a man with kids is a lose-lose situation for an unattached woman.  If he's an involved father, you don't want this because you will always come #2, and your relationship will have to contort itself into the contours of their father-child life.  If he's an uninvolved father, you don't want this because it doesn't say very nice things about him.

The best-case scenario of a man with child is someone whose child is grown and has launched. [/quote]

+1. But even a man with grown children is not ideal.  I have a relative who has had a lot of drama coming from her significant other’s adult children.  Some grown children never completely launch.  [/quote]

Failure to launch kids suk. Is there a disability or LD or mental issue?[/quote]

I see so many examples these days of adult children who are launched in the sense of living on their own, but they are still overly reliant on one or both parents for money, assistance, etc.  I think parenting trends of the last two decades are to blame.  The trend has been that parents make children the center and sole focus of their lives as opposed to incorporating kids into their lives in a healthy way.  The result is that kids grow up thinking they are the center of the universe.  The parents also lose any sense of an identity outside of being so and so’s mom or dad.  It is unhealthy.  I’m not suggesting parents shouldn’t be attentive and put a lot of energy and time into their kids, but I think it’s unhealthy for them to define themselves by their kid(s).  That almost always seems to lead to a kid who becomes a very entitled adult who has a difficult time living independently and establishing his or her own life.  There’s a sweet spot.  It also leads to very tribal people.  So when you date someone who has raised their kids this way or was raised in this way, you are always an outsider, a “them” in their world.[/quote]

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