Reply to At wits' end with potty training 3yr old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow this thread took a turn. Which I'm disappointed about because I am the PP with the similarly hard to potty train 3 yr DD and would love an actual productive conversation.

My kid is actually incredibly compliant in general but very obstinate on the subject of potty training. She has always been an "easy" kid and these issues with potty training took us by surprise -- she generally listens to us, is conscientious, and while she tests boundaries. Based on our own experience and conversations with the pediatrician and behavioral specialists, we think her "easy" tendencies are actually just causing a lot of anxiety around potty training. It took her a while to figure out when her body needed to go and then to figure out how it actually works to go in the potty. That's normal for kids, but for our DD, it seems to have caused a lot of fear of failure and perfectionism. We really tried not to feed into this at all but when it's this severe you can't help but blame yourself. I regret doing the "potty training bootcamps" because I think for our child specifically, they caused her to become really stressed about potty training early on (we started around 24 months) and it has only gotten worse as we go forward. But there is so much pressure to potty train early. Look at all the people in this thread who are just saying "you waited too long."

It is a catch 22. You are told by many to train on the early side before they hit the toddler phase of "no". Makes sense. But then if it doesn't work and your kid still isn't trained by 3, you are told by many that the problem is that you started to early, gave your kid a complex, and set them up for failure. Also makes logical sense but wow is that tough to hear, and it also doesn't help you at all when you have a 3 yr old who WILL NOT USE THE POTTY.

Anyway, I also think Covid and disruptions in childcare and massive changes in home life has made this the worst possible year to potty train. I often think it would have gone much smoother if we hadn't had a 4.5 month hiatus from daycare last year, and/or I could have mostly potty trained her in our house while my DH went to work. I don't think having everyone at home all the time made potty training easier even though it sounds convenient. I think you actually need the pressure and consistency of normal work/daycare/school schedules to keep potty training manageable.

Everyone potty trains. My kid might not (probably won't) train until she's 4, which is a bummer for her and for me and for the environment. It's not the outcome I wanted and I genuinely tried to prevent it from happening, but here we are. I don't think getting angry and shaming about it is useful for anyone, nor is saying "You did it wrong." I mean, obviously, but I can't change it now and I certainly went into it with the best intentions. Sometimes you gotta take the L and move on.[/quote]

You'd get totally different advice than this guy is getting. I think after 3, the kids have to WANT to train and there's more bribery/discussion involved. They're more active participants. Versus putting a 20 month old on the potty every 30 minutes and just saying, we're doing this and it will work.

If it's not working for your 3 year old, stop training. Start talking up potty training and how her friends are potty trained. There's a lot of peer pressure and all the kids at daycare know who "poops themselves" (my son is 3 and he talks about it even). Go down the toy aisle at Target and see if there's a gift she REALLY wants. Tell her if she can go 3 days without diapers, you'll buy it for her. Don't start potty training again until she wants to. Kids like being in charge.[/quote]

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