Reply to Can you have a successful sexless marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]It's AMAZING how low-libido women did not need much romance, and even initiate sex regularly when they want to get married and then get pregnant, but they WILL set ever-changing excuses or goal posts (romance, connection, blah, blah) once they have the number of kids they want.

The most they will do is to give you starfish sex in order to stop you from complaining or leaving the marriage. Unsurprisingly, if you are decent husband and father who finally threatens divorce, they will suddenly 'find' their libido again. Ask me how I know.

But don't be fooled. They don't really care about your physical need for sex or wanting to feel a connection through sex. It is again only about what THEY WANT (a stable family), even if you think you finally managed to convince yourself that they care about your feelings and needs.

And if you ask for advice from the sexless wives here on how to romance your wife, it will never work better than to ask for a divorce. Hopefully she will finally appreciate you at the thought of losing a good husband and put some effort into romance and sex, OR grant you a divorce after admitting that she does not love you enough to put in the effort.

The worst thing she can do is to pretend to be enthusiastic about sex, which will not be sustainable anyway. She will become less enthusiastic when she is tired of pretending.

If she does not care enough about you to initiate sex sometimes or be nice/ romantic to you as well (such as during dating days), it is best for the H to have courage, take the high road and divorce her.

Don't cheat! Being driven to cheat because you are not loved by your sexless wife will only make you look like the bad guy and help her look like the victim, not to mention giving her the perfect excuse to say 'well, he chose to cheat, not that my countless rejections over the years have anything to do with it'. Lol.

Anyway, if my perspective is unhealthy, I welcome anyone to point out what else a husband can do if the sexless wife refuses sex for years without giving any reason (except that “we just need to take good care of the children”), threatens immediate divorce upfront if the husband feels that he does not need to become a monk and decides to cheat (to keep himself sane), and she also refuses to go for counselling.

In my case, starfish sex is only bestowed a few times over the years after I performed some truly back-breaking work for the family (planning annual family vacations, selling/ buying/ moving homes, planning/ supervising renovations and fully paying for the new home). 
Newsflash: we men can tell when you are not interested and only think of sex as a chore.
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