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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is very confusing to a 3 year old.  They are just starting to master the differences in body parts.  I don’t think the nanny is being age appropriate.  The answer is vague and leaves the kid confused.  I know my four year old would immediately want to know which ones don’t have which body  parts and could just imagine him pointing to everyone he sees and asking me loudly whether that one has a vagina or not.  [/quote]

[b]Imagine the boy had said "Women have babies." and then the nanny said "Well, some women have babies and some women do not." Something tells me you would not have concerns about this being too confusing, [/b] and it's the exact same concept. The way preschoolers learn to think beyond black and white is through experience of things that are not black and white.

And the way to handle a child asking in public whether certain people have vaginas is to say "That's a private part. We don't talk about private parts in public."

[/quote]

I think this would be too confusing.  You don’t talk to three year olds like that.  If they say, “dogs say ‘woof, woof’” you don’t correct them or discuss the different types of barks a dog might make.  
Something tells me that you don’t know a lot of three year olds.  [/quote]

Why is it bad for a kid (or anyone) to be confused? I think this is a good lesson that things are not always black and white. I doubt thinking about it will keep the 3 year old awake at night or cause any issues for him. It may just be something that he thinks or asks about again later and that’s ok.[/quote]

Lots of things are confusing.  Kids are still trying to make sense of the world.  They are trying to put things into categories that they can understand so that they can gain a little confidence to go out into the world.  
And of course it would cause issues for a kid if, instead of making the world simpler for them, every time they had a question you gave a confusing and nebulous answer.     
[/quote]

That’s all fine but it’s also good for kids to know that not everything or everyone fits into a certain category. The only reason not to let them know that there is ambiguity is because of our own insecurities not because that’s what’s best for the kid. I can see how this could be a bit confusing for a kid. But you act like being a little confused is a bad thing; it’s not. It just helps kids/all people learn how to think more deeply about something and understand that the world doesn’t all fit into neat little categories and that’s ok,[/quote]

No.  it isn't.

I am guessing you aren't a parent, because if you were, you would know this.  But you can read a little on child development if you wish.  
Little kids make sense of the world by putting things into categories.   If you tell them 200 times a day that there aren't categories and life is gray and nebulous, it isn't good.

Yes.  You can help an 8 year old think a little more deeply, but not a 3 year old.  [/quote]

DP. My four year old wants to put things in categories sure and sometimes I support that and sometimes I challenge it. I can't imagine that any parent doesn't introduce some complexity or ambiguity into their kid's categories of the world. You're supposed to be helping them learn to think, not just validating whatever schema they develop at age 3.

If she says "girls wear skirts" I'll push back on that, and I imagine most people would. The same goes for genital questions. My four year old knows trans people closely and she's much LESS confused by that ambiguity than she is by the fact that I sometimes call her coat a jacket.[/quote]

Yeah.  I think you are kind of crazy.

You can just let her call it a coat if she wants to.  You don't need to argue with a child about the difference between coats and jackets.

[/quote]

Did I say I argued with her? If I say "get your jacket" and she says "my coat!" I say "yep, same thing." If that seems crazy to you, I don't know what to say. Kids can understand that something has two names.

For trans issues, my daughter had to learn; the person she called "mommy" for almost three years came out as trans. She learned the new name and pronouns without any issue (I've used the wrong pronouns much more recently than she has). I'd much rather explain the ambiguity of names changing than explain that she only has one parent now because my spouse killed himself, which was where things were heading before the transition. All my reading on child development tells me that would be worse than dealing with some complexity.[/quote]

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