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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My secret to maintaining friendships is to keep a level of distance. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but my preferred adult relationships are all at arm's length. I intentionally stopped talking to a dear friend of mine biweekly because I started to dislike her. Now, we speak for an hour or so every two to three weeks. It gives us more things to catch up on, and the distance serves to maintain the needed balance. [/quote]

Lol.  I was telling someone awhile ago that my goal with the neighborhood moms is staying in [b]that nice grey area of not being in the inner circle but not being an outcast[/b].  They really like to compete with each other and gossip.  I have had good female friends that do no compete at all, but it can be hard to find.  [/quote]

This is my goal, too. It didn't used to be. But I learned that being too involved in the "inner circle" just mean drama. Even when you try to stay out of it. The most common issue I've come across is that women can be jealous and competitive of friendships. If a woman perceives one member of the group to be her "best friend" and that BF starts spending time with a new person, that can cause huge problems.

Also, sometimes people are jealous of the weirdest stuff because of some specific issue they have. I once met a woman who was very competitive about being seen as [b]the woman in our group with mental health issues. Like that's how she defined herself, and she considered herself an expert on mental health because of her own experience. And if someone talked about feeling depressed, dealing with anxiety, or seeing a therapist, she'd jump in and start telling them what to do. She'd even sometimes express skepticism about it and say things like "Oh, she's not really depressed, I can tell." It was really weird. Why would you compete over being depressed? It seems like normally you'd be glad to have a friend with a shared experience. But for her, it was her "thing" and she didn't want anyone encroaching not hat territory.[/b]

Anyway, yes, it's better to stay more on the edge of a group like that because you are much less likely to attract the attention of someone with those issues. I have my two really close friends from forever who I video chat with once a week, and with whom there is no real competition. And in any other friend group, I'm the one you don't think about at all but then when I show up to things you're like "Oh yeah, you're fun!" And I'm extremely happy with this role.[/quote]

This actually may be a manifestation of her mental illness.  My ex sister in law is like that.  Whatever she has experienced, she is the expert because everyone’s experience must be the same as hers, and she doesn’t let go.  It’s a part of her issues.  [/quote]

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