Reply to Is it culture thing that parents do not talk about kids (not in front of them)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is cultural. To be honest, I am often truly aghast at some of the stories my Asian friends have shared with me about what their moms think is acceptable to say to them. From comments about gaining weight to needing plastic surgery to their (decent) grades not being good enough to their college or career not being prestigious enough, husbands not earning enough money, etc. It seems so cold and mean to me.

I can’t imagine saying stuff like that to anyone let alone a vulnerable child who believes in you wholly.[/quote]

My 8 yo daughter has a bit of a rounded tummy still. It would kill her self esteem and confidence if I ever even hinted that she needed to lose weight.

But I have East Asian and Indian friends who say this was completely normal among their mothers’ and grandmothers’ generations. Seems really detrimental.[/quote]

Well to contrast that, in general, I find White people (especially white women) have less resiliency and suffer more mental trauma over rather usual life hardships.

Obviously too much of going either way can be detrimental, but one way is not superior to the other.

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Do you mean white people coddle their children too much?[/quote]

I mean the same kinda thing as the poster saying Asian parents general openness about strengths and weaknesses are detrimental to their children.

The flip side is too much overprotection of your kids feelings and thinking they are incapable of handling anything negative also leads to detrimental outcomes.

They end up as adults with excessive fragility and weak resiliency that is at odds with an over inflated sense of self which is difficult to reconcile.

Objectively, both sides can strike a balance and both sides can also go too far. Saying that Asian parenting is detrimental while not acknowledging detrimental outcomes from one’s own side kinda makes might point.

When you haven’t been raised to critique yourself, you gravitate to thinking you or your ways are superior. Easily critiquing others while becoming sensitive or easily offended when similarly critiqued.

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