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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't stay w him in the hope that they'll patch things up and have kids. She's lucky she doesn't have any kids now to complicate matters further. Staying married to a cheating spouse "for the kids" is no picnic. She's only 38 and can have a fresh start. [/quote]

Op - I agree with this but I don’t think it’s my place to say that. I think she agrees too, but it’s complicated. She doesn’t know where she would go if she leaves, she’s lived in another country for most of her adult life but wouldn’t be able to remain if they split, etc. [/quote]

New poster.

OP, you are getting a LOT of "don't say a word except to be supportive" advice and you seem inclined that way too.

However, it is not interfering to remind her that she needs to separate her issues here.

One issue is the emotional one of the marriage, cheating, kids. But the other issue is her remaining in the UK. Of course they are linked and tangled up together but she needs to simultaneously deal with therapy for the marriage/emotional part AND put on her coldest self and get serious legal advice from an experienced immigration attorney about her status right now and her status if they divorce.

People will come here and blast me for that, but to be blunt, she is not going to get to stay magically in the UK if they divorce and she does not have a job where they'll fight for her to stay on because she has special skills that are needed in the UK. I'm married to a UK citizen and have several close friends who are Americans in the UK (not citizens) who are there because of special skills (medical fields). They all say it the UK is tighter than ever about jobs and foreign nationals.

While you don't need to get all up in her emotional business, you can just remind her that she should consult an immigration attorney who has handled similar cases.

She absolutely should not  have kids to anchor herself in the UK. That would be frankly wrong for her, for jerk husband and for the kids as well.[/quote]

Agree 100% with NOT having kids in this situation- and you really need to tell her that.  Be open and clear about it.

Women do each other a disservice by - in an effort to be “supportive” - just tell each other “ I agree with whatever you say / whatever you want to do.”

If your friend is about to make a huge, life-altering mistake then you need to tell her it is a mistake.[/quote]

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