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[quote=Anonymous]I didn’t get a chance to read all the replies but this sounds like an extreme version of my DH’s relationship with his family. He avoids them as much as possible, goes alone most of the time to obligatory visits, and kids and I see his family maybe once/yr. They have been in our house before though.

He is the family black sheep. He is actually really successful and a great guy- nothing bad going on- but he has always been very very different from the rest of the family (and didn’t meet his family’s expectations  regarding religion, career, and basically anything else. His parents are unbelievably critical of him, have always been, and DH has felt very nitpicked/ostracized his whole life.

He does the bare minimum so his conscience is clear, and shields me and the kids. He is worried that the kids will pick up on his family’s attitudes towards him, and disrespect him the the way his family does. He is also worried that anything the kids does is just additional fodder for criticism of him/his parenting, or that the kids will be treated as “less than” the way he has always been- by extension.

If you sister is otherwise normal and doesn’t have any glaring problems (addiction, severe mental illness, abuse etc) it could very well be something like this.

In theory, DH would be willing to become closer to some of his adult siblings (large family) but feels his parents stand in the way of that, and that at this point that ship has sailed. [/quote]

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