Reply to I'm upset; soon-to-be vacationing husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hear you op. I'd be p.o.d, too.  To those who said she should've set that expectation:  a husband should not have to be told to be considerate. It's the fact that, knowing he will be on a mini-vacation the next week while his wife looks after the kids alone, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into looking after the kids the day before he leaves for vacation, and also miss out on a family event that the kids were looking forward to.

IMO, much of the resentment wives have against husbands would disappear if the husbands put some thought and effort into being a good husband and parent.  Why does a grown man have to be told to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of his wife when it comes to being a partner in the home?[/quote]

I’m PP who mentions that I set specific schedules with my husband.

Yes, I agree that it would be great if he was more considerate, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. So instead of me stewing, being resentful and irritated by his lack of consideration, I am crystal clear in expectations re: household schedule, cleaning that should be done over the weekend (hey, I’m going to vacuum and clear the sink, can you please clean the bathroom and help the kids pick up the playroom) - yep that specific. We have a nanny M-F, so I just extend the time and expectation setting discussions that I have with her now also to my husband.

Would it be great if he would manage this on his own? Yes definitely. But it’s even better not to get divorced because I spent the bulk of our marriage resentful. It helps that he is extremely receptive to this approach (it did not start that way). I guess he figures this is better than having an angry wife all of the time lol.[/quote]+1. This is how I approach it with my husband too. Yes, it would be great if he'd like just see a dirty floor and pick up a damn broom. But he doesn't. So instead of me stewing about why he didn't sweep I just ask him to sweep. Then he sweeps. No fighting over it and not a moment missed in anger. Just ask for what you want and be clear in your communication. I also discuss ahead of time expectations for other things too so we both aren't left mad or hurt. It has worked well for our marriage. Not everyone is exactly like you, so you need to communicate.[/quote]
What if the wife decided to just be clueless, too, and depend on the husband to communicate what needs doing.  How many households run this way, I wonder?

I've been married for 20 years, and if my husband was clueless and inconsiderate most of the time, I don't think our marriage would have lasted.

I think it sucks that women have to not only work, and do  most of the housechores, childcare, but also have to "communicate" to the husband how to be a better and more considerate partner and parent, and of course, be expected to have sex with her husband *at  least* a few times a week, per most men.  We have to manage our husbands as well as the children, it seems.

I'm referring to OP's situation, not just picking up your dirty socks, btw.

Of course, you set expectations about house chores and what not, but do you set that expectation everyday, or is this just a general, "I expect  you to clean if I cook, and do the laundry every week".. kind of thing, or are you talking detailed expectations like I have to do with my kids?

If it is detailed, that's kind of sad. Your husband is like a child in this way.   My kid can't see all the dirty dishes on the counter that needs to be put away, so I have to tell the kids to do it. If  I had to manage my husband to that level of detail, I would not be able to see him as a man, but as another child I have to manage.

In OP's case, he knew he was not going to see his kids for several days, and that they had a special day planned, but he could care less and decided to sleep in, and expected.. what?  That his wife would come wake him when it was time?   Geez.. I have  higher expectations of my 15 yr old DS.[/quote]

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