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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why people say staying together is a bad idea where there is no animosity or yelling and just a drifting apart.  I may consider splitting up once kids are out of the house just so we can each find joy for our second act.  But I love providing an intact family for my kids.  Even if we split, spouse and I will still be on good terms.[/quote]

You must think your kids are unintelligent then.  Kids are actually very smart and pick up on this lack of love.  And it can effect how they behave in their own relationships down the line.  I found that out the hard way, and have heard many many stories in a similar vein.  Please ask any kid who grew up like this if they are glad their parents stayed together. [/quote]

Kids are ridiculously poor judges of what is good for them.  They don't have an ability to meaningfully compare two situations, because it's not a mommy and daddy with love vs. mommy and daddy without love.  It's like this.  It's either mommy and daddy without love, OR:

- shuffling between the houses of mommy and daddy, and these houses are probably smaller, grungier and further away
 - possibly changing neighborhoods, schools, routines
 - less money for travel and extracurriculars
 - less money for college. College loans!
 - potentially new partners, step siblings, less money, less attention, less everything
 - constant bickering over who gets what holiday
 - constant bickering over who you'll visit next and when
 - hard end of life decisions when both elderly parents need care, and cannot help each other like they normally would.  So now instead of dealing with one elderly parent you are dealing with two separate sets of problems.  Have fun adding this to your plate.

Now mommy and daddy without love don't look so bad, do they.

By the way, the way you behave in your own relationship down the line is on you.  You are in charge now, not mommy or daddy.  No blame, no credit.[/quote]

You have a ridiculous old-fashioned idea of what a divorce looks like. Sometimes it looks like as you describe. But many times it does not. If both parents always worked, or if one parent earns a lot, there is not that drastic of a financial difference. Here is an example of mine:
1.	Kids did not change neighborhoods or schools (and if they are young enough, it does not matter. People move all of the time). One parent kept the house. The other parent bought a smaller “extra” house nearby. Nothing is smaller or grungier. They literally gained a second house.
2.	The money for extracurriculars is the same. Same amount of travel.
3.	There is not less money for college. The savings rate is exactly the same.
4.	There is almost no change of remarriage and absolutely no chance of more children for either parent. In your 40s, people don’t really want to remarry and have more kids. There will be no “steps”—it is a non-issue. In the very unlikely event that happens, we will deal with it. But it is not a very likely outcome at all in many, many divorces.
5.	There is no bickering over holidays. It is in an agreement.
6.	There is no bickering over visits. It is in the agreement.
7.	Elderly parents have separate health issues anyway. Being married is not that helpful. It is irrelevant. Plus, I don’t expect my kids to deal with it. I will get long term care insurance. Being divorced is not going to make me being old any worse no matter what happens.

In addition, I can be in the same room with my ex. I absolutely can’t be married to him. It was awful. But I can put my kids first and many do. Not that much changed for them. It’s not about marital status. It is about being a good parent.
Stop fear-mongering and continuing this ridiculous stigma of divorce and how horrible it is. Wasting your life in a terrible marriage is worse. I know—my parents did it—and it is pathetic. I was not going to end up like them. There is a way to have a “good divorce” which is far better than a terrible marriage.

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