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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP — talk to her. Tell her how you feel. See how she feels. Drop the idea that you’re right or she’s right. It doesn’t matter and neither of you is objectively right. You two just need to come to an agreement that you both can live with. [b]Ask her to step back if you’re already dealing with something. Be prepared that she might ask you to be more assertive. [/b]You each get to have concerns that the other person should try to meet. It won’t go just one way (i.e. that she has to take a step back but you don’t have to make any changes). [/quote]

NP, and I agree with this, particularly the bolded.  I'd also push you to make sure that if something is agreed upon as "yours" to deal with, you make sure that it is completely off of her plate.  You take ownership and responsibility for a task end-to-end.  I know a lot of times I (woman) have done a bunch of "invisible work" that was stressful, and then something (even something minor) goes off plan and it just puts me over the edge because I've thought of 50 other details leading up to it and now there's THIS.

Also, as others have said - depression, general COVID stress, etc.   [/quote]

In the daycare example, OP responded and completed the form as promised. He took it completely off her plate. She decided to escalate with two additional emails over a lost form (like expressing displeasure was suddenly going to make them find the form?). I find this example much more egregious than the contractor example, which is a gray area. But I think the biggest issue here is that she undermines you. I wouldn’t be able to handle that, and I’m a woman. [/quote]

You'd probably just bake them cookies.  OP thinks he handled it, but likely what has happened before is the wife has to clean up after him . Daycare losing a form is not okay, and I say that as someone who worked in and ran a daycare.[/quote]

You never once made a mistake when you worked in and ran a daycare? That’s wonderful for you but stuff happens. We all deal with all kinds of administrative bs all the time. I don’t let small things get to me.

Did the way OP’s wife stepped in to “handle it” make the daycare find the form? Nope. She was no more effective. There was no winning in that scenario so why not just suck it up and redo the form rather than berate some surely low-paid daycare worker? [/quote]

Not when it came to essential paperwork. If I knew my staff was losing essential paperwork, they would hear from me.  That's a huge red flag in my opinion. It saddens me the low standards many of you have for your child care centers.   If OP's description was accurate, she did not berate anyone, she set an expectation.. Ask yourself why does a woman setting a firm expectation and boundary upset you so much?[/quote]

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