Reply to How to respond to MIL's comments about caring for her adult sons?

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Reply to "How to respond to MIL's comments about caring for her adult sons?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do they all live nearby? Is MIL’s house paid for? Can she just leave it to the brothers so they can live there and dh can check on them regularly? Or perhaps you can  sell the house and buy them a condo which may be easier for them to maintain. This assumes they will have sufficient assets. My mil is leaving sil her house but it is expensive to maintain. SIL will have other money from MIL but depending on her age when MIL passes, she will have to determine if she can really afford to stay in the house. She can’t do that herself and she won’t always accept help from dh (who can do this easily). It’s tough, op. Hopefully your dh’s brothers will accept your assistance and suggestions. [/quote]

OP here.  No, they live several hours away.  Yes I can see leaving them the house, maybe the working brother can pay to maintain it.  It just saddens me she makes them so dependent on her.  She is in a lot of pain but insists on doing everything herself.  So of course they are used to it.  I am nervous about what happens when MIL becomes more disabled. Her vision seems to be I take care of everyone so her sons don't have to lift their pretty little fingers. They are actually both pretty sweet, but shy, and I think have suffered serious harm from how overbearing she is. Thankfully DH knows how to set boundaries.  She can't get everything she wants.  I do think some of this will sort itself out, or at least can't really be helped by any discussion now. But yes, I will talk to DH about what MIL has said recently to clarify his expectations, which I expect are not different from mine. [/quote]

I would set ground rules with dh NOW about anyone living with us.. for example,  if brothers live with us they would need to have formal diagnosis and adhere to any medical intervention such as medication, job training etc.[/quote]

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