Reply to How to respond to MIL's comments about caring for her adult sons?

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Reply to "How to respond to MIL's comments about caring for her adult sons?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you all. Having had more conversations with DH, we are on the same page that having BIL move in would be an absolute last resort and that I have a lot of concerns about continuing to enable him or ending up caring for him indefinitely. I think DH in the past envisioned his brothers coming to stay with us for a little while or visiting as a stepping stone to independence - this was while they were still in school or just graduated. Now that one BIL is working and the other BIL has been out of school and unemployed for a few years and it's a different situation.

There is no expectation or desire from DH that I would become MIL's primary caregiver. Since we live in a different city and DH's parents/brothers have a lot of ties to their own city, I do not think they see themselves moving in with us. Obviously, if MIL needs long-term care we'll need to figure out what to do from there.

I think MIL's comments at least in part are about explaining herself - there is a lot of guilt, anger and grief in the family around BIL's situation and MIL's role in that. I'm starting to think the best starting point would be for MIL to get therapy, but it's not my decision.[/quote]

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