Reply to Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

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Reply to "Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you wanted a FWB scenario and so did he.  It ended. Big whoop! You are a divorcee and your marriage to the father of your three kids did not work out.  I am sure that was a bigger disappointment than some guy you are boinking for 6 months calling it quits.

He was just not into you and neither were you into him. You both were each others  pandemic fuzkbuddies. Its not so deep. Seriously.[/quote]

Op here: I do not have 3 kids. Not that if matters now but I wanted to cancel my wedding and then divorce immediately. I had family pressure to stay and hand an accidental pregnancy. No, my divorce was easy. My marriage was always a miserable horrible mistake. No disappointment whatsoever. Just relieved and sad I did not get out at the beginning like I wanted. ExH and I were never in love and never meant to be. No connection ever. [b]Just a stupid mistake that ruined me being able to start over.
[/b]
This is very disappointing. I felt something for this guy and thought it could be long term. I do not need or want the legal or financial entanglements of remarriage.

It did not feel at all like a FWB situation at all. He was crying when he broke it off: he is not happy about it and says as recently as 2 days ago that he misses me a lot. He said he was getting serious and afraid of getting deeper.[/quote]

OP. The bolded is the lie that you need to grab by the bull horns and tackle down to the mofo ground. It is a lie, and only as powerful as your belief in it.  Learn the truth about yourself and your value, and how some mistakes, losses and seeming misfortune build respectable character, compassion, wisdom, honor, loyalty, mercy. You are only ruined if you ruin yourself. No circumstance can control how you choose to respond to it. I hope 2021 reveals that beautiful parts of you that are NOT ruined, and are sitting and waiting patiently to be watered and nurtured with YOUR self care, so those seeds can bloom beautifully.

You never know who may stop and smell those blooms! 😊[/quote]

OP here: this scenario exactly proves my bolded statement...there is no way to truly start over like I wanted to being divorced with kids. I have accepted I will never be able marry or have children with someone I actually wanted to do that with. A series of mistakes and pressure led to a bad marriage and unplanned kids—I was planning a divorce before a shock positive pregnancy.

I asked many times if a long term bf/gf situation was ok. I was not expecting family knowing....if it became serious later, maybe but not now. That is why I am disappointed. And this happening is evidence that the statement in bold is 100% accurate.[/quote]

DP here. Good lord OP, you don't get a do over for creating a family. You need to find a way to stop viewing your children as part of mistake for which you've decided that you're not culpable. You're responsible for this on so many levels. It's crazy for you to think that this man should be satisfied with a secret relationship, foregoing marriage and children for the rest of his life because it works best for you. Of course his family doesn't want that for him.[b] He sounds very immature to have been manipulated by you.[/b][/quote]

Exactly.  Her barriers for starting over is - her age and manipulativeness.  Probably is terrible to look at too because she sure is ugly to read. 
 Unplanned kids? Was she a handmaiden in Gilead without access to BC?   I hope her ex is reading this thread.  He dodged a toxic bullet. [/quote]

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