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[quote=Anonymous]It's really odd to me when people say the partner who wants sex less frequently or no sex at all is "withholding" sex. This connotes some kind of intent that probably just isn't there.

I know that when I had a period of wanting sex less, I didn't really change. I always had sex when I felt like it (unless my partner didn't, of course), and I just happened to not want sex. I don't know the reason, but it wasn't a conscious decision at all.

I think it's really rare that you can legitimately assign blame to one partner for libido mismatches. People have lower libidos when they're stressed, when their partners stop praising their bodies (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, sometimes you just aren't as wowed by your partner's body as you used to be), when hormones change, etc. And pestering somebody for sex...well, that's not exactly an aphrodisiac. I just typically see a place for blame when somebody doesn't desire sex; it's just an unfortunate confluence of circumstances that takes a lot of work on behalf of both partners to overcome.

Cheating, on the other hand, seems pretty intentional, and doesn't seem like a proportionate reaction to a low libido. Personally I think open marriages and divorces are better options because people deserve honesty, as difficult as that may be.

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