Reply to Finding the birth mother in a closed adoption from Eastern Europe

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]It isn’t up to the OP to just leave it. OP’s daughter didn’t accept any terms of the adoption. It’s completely natural to want to know about your birth parents. Hopefully the OP’s daughter will get something positive from it, hopefully she’s prepared for a rejection if that occurs (adoptive mom here, and I would try to encourage my children to seek counseling prior to searching to help them figure out why they want to search and deal with any negative outcomes), but it’s as much her right to know about *herself* as it is her birth mom’s right to remain secret. Moreover; we don’t even know what the birth mother wants. I’ve heard about these stories ending both in positive and negative ways, so you never know.[/quote]

OP, I am also an adoptive mom of children from EE, and I feel for you.  I think the biggest issue is having your daughter work through all the likely scenarios, all of which carry some component of pain.  And listening hard to the perspectives of all of the people from EE who have weighed in.  Were it me---I would try to find the most reputable and trustworthy in-country contact I could to reach out to birth mom with extreme discretion and with the total understanding that birth mom might respond with a desire for no further contact whatsoever, which I would counsel my child to respect, painful though it would be.  It is entirely possible for a birth mom to be thrilled that the child she placed has been cared for, but to not want any further disruption to her life.[/quote]

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