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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I was in similar shoes when our kids were little, with a messy, impulsively angry husband. He does have adhd and when stressed (which little ones will do) he snapped a lot. I also considered divorce but I just thought it would make my life harder. Id still have almost all the same responsibilities, less money.

We saw a therapist for the anger  (for 'how we communicate') and i made it clear that I would leave him over what verged on verbal abuse. We practiced listening better to each other. I tabled--as much as possible--my resentment in order to deal with communication.

As for the rest, it was hard and slow to change, but i stopped doing a lot of things (no laundry for him, made meals for the kids only, etc) until he took some notice. I also simply HIRED help and even spent $ we really didn't have on premade food, etc, anything to make those years easier. I didn't make it about him not doing enough I made it about me needing more support one way or another.

Our kids are now in 3rd and 5th and things are a lot better. Why? They are less work, we are less tired, and DH has picked up a lot more. I also figured out the stuff he didn't mind which was shopping, driving and errands, I still do much more cooking and cleaning but he pulls his weight in other areas. It took us a long time to get here though. I'm glad I didnt' divorce when the kids were little, but I understand how you feel and felt that way myself.

My advice is to address one thing at a time and i would start with the way he talks to you and treat you. That is key.

Just throw money if you can at the other stuff, but work on how you communicate (non verbally as well) first. When DH sensed less criticism and disappointment from me, he was a lot nicer and did a lot more too.

good luck. [/quote]

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