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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, it sounds like you’re desperate for this to be true so you can pursue non monogamy.

I’m hearing the two of you were disconnected for a bit (totally normal during this time..), that you both managed to reconnect sexually on some level, she changed her personal habits up (for whatever reason- you could ASK her, or tell her you noticed and enjoyed) , and now you’re critical of her.

Grow up, man. Not everyone operates like you. Have a damn conversation with your wife. [/quote]

OP here, FWIW we have not been disconnected for a bit, we have had sex about 6 times in last 14 months and before that was 1-2x a month in a good month. Been a slow decline for more than a decade.

I think you are right to some extend, I am not desperate for it to be true but I am desperate to change the status quo. She has always been the one rejecting me and hasn't shown any interest since the one time I "found" this. Anyway, I will ask her and report back.....[/quote]

So, when you had sex after three months, how did it happen? Was it spontaneous or planned?

I think you dropped the ball by not commenting on the grooming at the time. Not in an accusatory way, of course. [/quote]

In retrospect, it was planned by her, in that we watched a movie on the weekend after kids went to be and then she suggested it. I thought about mentioning it at the time but I was afraid to say something in case she got defensive. Yes, I know its a screwed up scenario but unless you have been in a sexless or near sexless marriage, you have no idea how screwed up intimacy becomes. Especially when you had a great sexual relationship for years that was unilaterally ended by one person and stayed down despite years of efforts. Also, she will only have sex in the dark so it's not something I can see but you can feel the difference.[/quote]

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