Reply to I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?

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Reply to "I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went through something similar two years ago.  I tried and tried to forgive but just couldn’t so I accepted that I was always going to have hatred and anger toward the couple and that acceptance, strangely, made it easier to stop thinking about them.  They rarely cross my mind now.  I also never talk about them which helps and cut ties with anyone we had in common.  I’ve never once checked them on social media.  All that really did help.

[b]Then it occurs to me that even if I got a heartfelt apology - nothing would change.  The damage done was truly irreversible.  [/b]

“What is without remedy must be without regard.  What is done is done”.  [/quote]

This is good insight. OP, to move on, you need to stop valuing or giving any credibility this person's actions, behaviors, or yes, even potential apologies. There are people in my life who "owe" me an apology, but moving on meant I no longer respect anything, literally anything, about them. They could show up at my door with flowers, cash, a rescued stray dog and a thorough apology, and it'd be like watching Donald Trump claim he won the election. Nothing they have to say, and nothing they do, carries the slightest weight with me.

[/quote]

OP here. I agree, this is really true. If this person tried to apologize, I know I'd never accept it. In part because I know there is a time when I probably would have accepted one, and rather than offer one, they chose to do something possibly even worse than the original offense. I often think I'm more angry about that than the original thing.

But yes, I agree with this sentiment. Feeling it... is another matter. I'm working on it.[/quote]

Op are you married with kids or single? I am just wondering because when you are busy and your mind is on other things it helps. [/quote]

OP here. I'm married, have a kid, and a job, and two serious hobbies. I agree being busy helps and I'll do anything to keep my mind occupied and away from this. And yet, it finds a way. I think Covid has made it worse because of the monotony, and because we haven't been able to travel or socialize as much, or mix up our schedule in the summer in the same way we normally would. I definitely think more about it now than I did back in January. One more reason to be excited about a vaccine![/quote]

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