Reply to What to do when I don’t want to be around MIL/SIL anymore?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Declining a birthday event would be extremely aggressive. [/b] If you truly want to change the relationship, go to the birthday and other special events/holidays (the big stuff) and just stop swinging by on random weeknights. [/quote]

Why is it aggressive to decline an invitation to a birthday party you don't want attend?[/quote]

Because it’s her husbands mother, and her trigger will have been a dispute over lasagna.[/quote]

Saying that not attending your MIL's birthday party is "aggressive" is along the same lines as saying not making lasagna is aggressive.[/quote]

[b]Declining someone’s birthday invite is a big deal whether she is your girlfriend or a relative.

It’s naive at best to think that OP’s husband wouldn’t be upset with her that she refuses to attend over something minor like this. Even OP acknowledges that the behavior is “subtle” enough that she risks looking like the “bad guy.” [/b]

Even if you think MIL is mean here, and I would have needed more examples to be persuaded of that, then allowing yourself to look like you are overreacting is a trap.

None of this would matter if this were some random woman OP knows. The issue is that it’s going to cause conflict with her spouse. That’s why I would quietly stop coming by rather than sending an overt message by not attending the birthday.[/quote]

Well said, particularly the bolded.[/quote]

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