Reply to What to do when I don’t want to be around MIL/SIL anymore?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Long story short, I’m done with my MIL and SIL. They’ve both been nothing but rude and distant. I’ve never felt involved in the family due to them. DH always makes excuses for their behaviour but he’s never around when they do the things they do.

As petty as it is, yesterday was the final straw for me. I have so much built up irritation due to years of dealing with them and I guess this one silly thing has just pushed me over my limit. I just went over to visit them at SIL’s house yesterday with our 2 children. DH was already there. As I walked in to the kitchen, DH asks MIL to make her famous lasagna for supper, she then says to my SIL quietly, “No thanks, there are too many people here. I don’t like cooking around too many people” and then jokingly smacks SIL’s leg as they silently laugh with each other. Of course, DH didn’t hear and made up an excuse for this on the drive home. DH wants me to go back over on the weekend for MIL’s birthday. I do not want to. It’s so hard to deal with this. I feel so awkward being there.

How am I supposed to deal with this? Their behaviour is subtle enough that I would look like the bad guy if I stopped going around. [/quote]

Look, you are going to get some responses that tell you to let your DH just go and also your kids. I was in a similar situation and took that advice bc as long as I didn't go, then everything would be ok, right? Just to save you some future problems with this option is that it won't be that cut and dry. A couple of things will start to happen...

1. It will create a weird dynamic where your DH/kids will be influenced by MIL/SIL without your presence. They will create a you vs. them dynamic. Since you aren't going, your DH will use this "against you" slightly and the effect they have on him will be even stronger. If that effect is antagonistic towards you in anyway it will just intensify and MIL/SIL WILL bring it up slightly to your kids things like ..."where's Mommy?"

2. Since you are not there they will start sending things home with your DH/kids and you will start getting really aggravated by these "gifts."

3. There is no easy answer, personally we just had to stop visiting and it's made a world of a difference in our lives. We have love, peace and harmony without all of these side agendas and aggressions. My opinion is that if it is effecting your marriage and your quality of life and doesn't serve your family, then you should try to cut it out or reduce as much contact as possible.
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