Reply to How do you deal with seeing people who hurt you out in the world?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

No. Do not move with the hope it will make someone look bad. The goal here is peace and freedom for OP. [/quote]

No, you are missing the point.  I am saying that (after the fact) - if OP were to move for other reasons, the perp would think it "was all about her" (because, isn't everything? LOL) and the perp would take offense and go into gossip mongering mode to try to protect herself and her (already bad) reputation.  Off kilter people like OP mentions need the negative attention off of them, no matter how, and dragging someone else, no matter how innocuous, into the equation is the only way they know. [/quote]

I think moving to get away from someone who spread untrue gossip about you could potentially make people think the gossip was true. People tend to trust what is in front of them. If the gossipy neighbor is in front of them saying "Oh yeah, Larla cheats on her taxes and slept with her boss to get her new position," people might be skeptical but will also wonder if it's true. That's why gossip is so terrible -- even if it sound preposterous, just the suggestion of scandal can color people's perception of you.

Now, if people interact with her, they are more likely to think, "Huh, all that stuff I heard about Larla seems crazy now that I'm talking to her." Or even if they just see Larla around, dropping her kids off at school or shopping at the grocery store, and she holds her head up and just lives her life, their perception will at least also include these normal images of Larla and not just the untrue ideas the gossiper planted.

But if, on the other hand, Larla moves away and people don't see her anymore, the gossip will be the thing that lingers. Even if it's nuts, people will think, "Well, even if it's not ALL true, if even some of it is..." and that's it for Larla. Now she's a pariah.

So no, don't move. Live your life, hold your head up, trust that as people interact with you, those experiences will define their opinion of you, and not some rumor they heard from someone who, let's be honest, probably talks a lot of shit about people behind their backs.

And if they don't, their loss. Seriously. People who traffic in second- and third-hand gossip are not worth the energy. It will always catch up to them, one way or another. Don't waste another thought on them.[/quote]

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