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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parent of 14 year old only child here.  We thought we wanted two and tried for a second one when DD was 3, but I was NOT excited to test and was glad it was a negative.  That gave me a clue that maybe one child was the right number for us.  While I am extroverted, DH is introverted and DD is a nice mix.  She likes us and she likes her friends.  Pros are that money is not an issue and my DH has been able to scale back from a job he really hated during COVID to help out with distance learning and cooking/cleaning.  We will be able to fully fund college and we sent DD to a private school through 8th grade.  Also, we have more time for each other, for exercise, for eating healthy, and for our own hobbies.  I learned to play clarinet as an adult and joined a band which was fantastic until COVID hit.  I'll be able to go back to it, I hope, soon.  Our home is loving and calm, mostly conflict-free and we don't think anyone is missing from our family.

Challenges have been personal for me, I think.  Mainly that I give DD too much and, while she is mostly better for it, I do worry that she may have more difficulty transitioning to adulthood.  For example, it's not that hard to toss her laundry in with ours so we tend to just do that.  Or just clear her plate with mine, vacuum her room with mine etc.  We have forced her to do chores from time to time, but with Distance Learning, she actually hasn't had a lot of time. So sometimes I think it's ok we do these things and other times I worry she has too much done for her.  Another example is that I sense she feels pressure to please me.  I pay attention to her, which is both a wonderful thing and a terrible thing.  One of the blessings of multiple children is that each child can fly under the radar here and there.  DD can't do that.  Just like most situations, the good parts are the same as the bad parts.  More money means less stress and possibly less motivation.  More attention means greater success and possibly anxiety.

I don't think there is any one right answer, but I do think that a loving, committed, attentive parent is required.  I knew two kids would be too much for me.  I'm the breadwinner so I wanted to know that I had enough for both parenting and working.  For me, that meant one kid.

It's been wonderful saying yes to DD--music lessons, dance, sleep-away camp where she blossomed, trips, tutoring, etc.  That's my favorite part.  I love seeing how confident and happy she is in her own skin.  I love that she can come to me when she is feeling bad and know I will lift her up.  I am there for her all the time and she knows it and feels it.  Is that occasionally bad?  Possibly?

When I was uncertain, I gave myself about 6 months to push any thoughts of a second from my mind and just focus on DD.  It gave me real clarity to realize at the end of that 6 months, I didn't want another child.  I've wistfully thought "what if?" from time to time (I'm 46 now), but I never changed my mind.  DD has said she enjoys being an only, but truthfully she is a happy child and would have been fine either way, which I knew.  This was my and DH's decision.

I wish you peace in making your decision.  There is not a wrong answer so long as you and your partner are on the same page. [/quote]

A lot of this is parenting.  Our only will take our plate or we take theirs.  Not a big deal as we all help each other out.[/quote]

Agree. One thing I notice and love with our only is that she treats us the way we treat her. So she's always been very kind and loving towards us. She'll clean things up for us (even if she doesn't do a perfect job -- she's only 6!) and if one of us is sick, she'll check in on us or bring us gifts or offer to rub our backs. It is the sweetest thing. I don't know if it will continue into the teenage years, but it's definitely something we want to cultivate. We love how mutually respectful and kind our family is.

I don't know if this is an only child thing, but I do sometimes appreciate that our relationships are very direct and not filtered through siblings. It feels very straightforward compared to my own family growing up.[/quote]

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