Reply to Toxic player on team. How to handle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just sayin'. I think these behaviors are learned from parents.[/quote]

No that's not true.  I always very careful to teach my kid to be polite when correcting weak and/or stupid teammates and to most definitely not actually call them weak or stupid.[/quote]

NP. I believe your child was correct about the soccer strategy, but I think you should reflect on your use of words and how you refer to a teammate as "weak" or "stupid" or even think that way. Children mature at different rates and the weak or stupid player one season may be a great player the next season. The way you worded things here assumes that being "weak" or "stupid" is fixed and a child was born that way. It's a moment in time. To look at the broader picture - and I know I'm really going off topic - but these types of words have been said historically about certain groups of people as a justification for repression. I'm especially sensitive to this type of thing as DH is from URM group. I would gently suggest you teach your child not to think like this. I have no idea of the race of the other player involved but I have heard this kind of talk from people in an academic setting when talking about minority children and group work at our school. [/quote]

I have always taught my son to take people as he finds them.  Thus he must treat a weak and stupid person as a weak and stupid person (note this doesn't mean be rude to them or bully them - just treat them appropriately).  I have also taught him that he must not make any assumptions about people based on the way they look - but that he also must not treat someone with kid gloves based on the way they look either.  And I completely agree that a weak and stupid person may well change - and in fact that is precisely the reason for not treating them with kid gloves.  If you believed they could never change then it would be pointless providing them with feedback and I would advise my son not to do it.  The whole reason for holding weak and stupid teammates to a higher standard is precisely because you believe they can do better.

And I actually think it is just as important to use the actual words weak and stupid if (and only if) they are an accurate description of the behavior in question.  Replacing them with less offensive words changes nothing about the underlying reality - merely the ability to describe accurately what is going on.  I have emphasized to my son that he should not use those words when addressing his teammate because they are emotive words which are likely to prevent his message being heard and thus his feedback from being effective.

There is a separate question on a soccer field about whether it is my son's role at all to provide feedback to a team-mate or whether it is better to leave that job to the coach.[/quote]

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