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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, had NO plan for how to pay for college[/quote]

That's simply not true and quite frankly I am offended that she would even suggest that I am too poor to pay for college. You do not know how much DH and I make in a year, nor if we had a college savings plan lined up.

The fact of the matter is our child LIED to us and continues to be lazy and reject any semblance of applying to schools or getting a job. We are at our wits end but don't know what to do. He cannot afford to live in this area, but we cannot continue to subsidize him, especially since our incomes have been impacted by Covid-19.

I am asking for help on what to do, not asking you to make snap judgments and silly comments about my perceived inability to pay for college.

Me and DH have a combined HHI of $150,000/year. Of course we could pay for college.[/quote]

First issue I would explore is whether there are mental health issues.  His behavior strikes me as symptomatic of depression, anxiety and/or addiction.  Resolving this question isn't something you can do overnight.  You pretty much need to find a therapist and also a psychiatrist.  Once you resolve that you can make a plan.

If there are no mental health issues, I would suggest discussing a plan that involves looking for a job.  There is something about work that provides both structure and a sense of self worth.  I'd also explore what he may want to do - college, community college, trade school.  I'd be developing time lines and following through every day to be sure that the expectations have been met.  If your son is not following through with his responsibilities and taking steps toward independence, then I'd be cutting things off.  Things I would stop include money, internet access, access to your car if he drives, and possibly cellphone.  Already I would be stopping paying for activities and any food that you buy typically because he likes it.

If there are mental health issues, then you need to work with a therapist and psychiatrist to develop a plan.

This isn't going to get better overnight.  And, just a warning, things could blow up once your start with the expectations because it sounds like there haven't been consequences for his actions and inactions up to this point.  He may just leave and if you take the phone, you won't be able to track that if it matters to you - not that allowing him to keep a phone guarantees this since location can be turned off.  There might be the potential for violence once he starts losing things.

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