Reply to Why Why WHY is the burden always on the mother?!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh BS it’s not a societal problem. There are multiple threads like this in one day here. Even “enlightened” dads aren’t doing 50% of housework. Social scientists have produced reams of data on that. [/quote]

I agree this is a societal problem. There are men who do an equal amount of (or even more than) housework/childcare to their female partners. But they are rare. They are the exception. The average man, even the more progressive ones, do fewer household chores and less childcare than the average woman. That's just a fact. It cannot be disproven with all the posters rushing in w/ their anecdotes about how their husband does it all while they WOH.

Also, the average mother has to sacrifice more in her career (mommy tracking) than the average father. There are tons of gender inequities that are pervasive in our society.

However, OP's situation sounds pretty extreme. OP, you need to have a serious talk w/ your husband. It might not change anything but you need to at least attempt to get him to see how unequal things are and that you're unhappy with the division of labor.

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From my view, they are not the exception. Then again, I am educated, have a job, make my own money, and have never been afraid to be alone (and I mean never). Not getting married was a fine outcome for me. Not having kids was a fine outcome for me. But when you go in with the attitude I have, which is that you're not going to accept some second-rate life partner, you don't end up with a second-rate life partner.

I maintain that 85% of the husband and dads I know aren't useless. And for the 15% that are, no surprises...you can spot them a mile away.[/quote]

PP you are responding to. I didn't say that most men are "useless" or that it is rare or an exception for a man not to be useless. I think lots of men do help out with housework and childcare. Certainly more men do this now than did in previous generations and more women work and are busy in their careers now than did in previous generations too so a lot of men don't have a choice but to step up w/ housework and childcare since their female partners are working more.

What I said is that it is rare for a man to do a truly [/i]equal or greater[i] amount of housework and childcare to a woman. My husband is a great person. I'm positive he is worlds better than the average guy. He is not selfish. He is respectful and kind, never raises his voice, is very patient and loving w/ the kids. He is neat and tidy w/ his things. He plays with the kids a lot, reads to them a lot, is almost always the one to bathe them and get them ready for bed. But even so, if we were to write down all that we each do in terms of housework/childcare in an average week, our split is easily 30% him and 70% me.

And I too am educated, have a job and my own money. I'm ok with the balance of our relationship. But he doesn't do even close to the amount of housework and child-related things that I do. A lot of what I do is more of the "unseen: labor of household mgmt, a lot of the little, managerial stuff, that you don't even really think about much but adds up: ordering kids' birthday gifts, ordering the kids new winter coats before it gets cold, making dentist appointments, knowing what shoe size the kids wear, knowing that we are almost out of milk and someone needs to go to the store, signing kids up for swim lessons, etc, etc. neverending things like that.[/quote]

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