Reply to SAHM vs WOHM, why the strong feelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I agree. I stayed home with my DC after she was born because I was a late-in-life mom and knew it was my one chance to really embrace motherhood in that way. I slowly re-entered the workforce and now I'm almost full time again, in the same industry but a much better position (lots of flexibility, and higher pay than I was making pre-baby). I'm super happy with my choices and don't understand the divide. I have mad respect for SAHMs because I know how hard they work and how isolating it can be, especially when people act like your work is dull or has no value. And I have mad respect for WOHM because that balance is so tough and you know we are still doing more than our fair share at home on top of our jobs.

I think a lot of the animus is misplaced anger at a system that screws women over either way, and the mistaken belief that we can beat the system if we just make all the right choices. We can't. We have to break the system. It wasn't designed for us.[/quote]

Your last observation may be right, but you just congratulated yourself for making the “right choices.” [/quote]

Also, doing nothing to "break the system."

FWIW, I agree with the last point.  Mothers are subject to tons of judgment, and are blamed when anything goes wrong with their kid.  We're sold an idea that a kid is a premium sports car and our job is to fine-tune its performance, and anything less than optimal is a failure.  But no one really knows what "optimal" is, and frankly, all the evidence is that kids who receive the basics will be just fine.  The human brain isn't that finicky.

But the pressure on women to be perfect mothers is intense.  So they feel the need to justify and defend their choices.  And if you aren't feeling secure in those choices, if you're not sure you made the "best" choice but you think there is a best choice, you might deal with that by overselling your choice to yourself and denigrating others.  Or you might see someone who made a different choice as you as a threat -- if your choice is the best, why doesn't everyone do it?

And some people do buy in to the Mommy War crap -- it only takes a few times of hearing someone ask why you bothered to get a college degree if you weren't going to work, or to wonder how you can stand to let strangers raise your kids, and you can end up pretty bristly.  [/quote]

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