Reply to Resentful About DH's Schedule- A Vent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP with further explanation it makes sense why he’s picking up more shifts. The more shifts he works, the more fun money he has. Not sure how you guys got into a place where you are the only one contributing to savings (I read the story of how that was the case in your initial relationship) but that never should’ve stayed the same as time progressed.

I don’t know what the underlying issue is but it honestly sounds like a power dynamic. To be perfectly honest he’s taking advantage of you in a major way. You asked what an appropriate number is for an allowance. The answer is “whatever is left over“. You take a look at your salaries, you both contribute an amount proportional to how much you earn to all household expenses (that includes childcare!), What’s left over is fun money. So you don’t start with how much you want for discretionary income, you start with household expenses and figure out what’s left over.[/quote]

I agree, but then doesn't that still encourage him to pick up extra shifts for more fun money? Or are you saying that if the extra shifts require me to bear the brunt of childcare and household duties I should charge only him for it? Because if we charge ourselves equivocally, then in a way, I will still end up paying more to pay someone for house help because he's working more for fun money. It still doesn't seem fair...[/quote]

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