Reply to Why do so many men dislike being a parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because people are no longer parents like they were back in the day, they are participants in the competive sport of parenting.

I'm a mom and many times I want to run away from it all, to my own appartment and play games or trvel kid free.

I have question if I should have had them. Ultimately I'm glad I did, can't  truly imagine life without them, but I sure don't love every moment, the time suck or think it's some magical journey.[/quote]

Agree with this. We just don't participate in competitive parenting because it would kill me (literally, I have an anxiety disorder and well-managed depression and the kind of intensive, competitive parenting that is common in the DMV would truly drive me over the edge).

But many of our friends are on this track and it stresses me out just listening to them talk about travel soccer and Suzuki method and foreign language classes and school applications. And on top of that, they are also competitive about things like travel (so much emphasis on kids under the age of 10 being well-traveled, as though a middle schooler who has never been abroad is an embarrassment, its such UMC nonsense) and cars and clothes. It's gross and never-ending. It is no wonder that so many of them are miserable. I can feel it in the way they talk about it all. It's always about how DS isn't taking his Mandarin lessons seriously enough or DD didn't get into the right summer camp. The kids absorb it all and they become stressed out and competitive too.

But you don't have to do it this way. You can just opt out. Our DD just goes to school and plays with friends. She takes some classes and does some activities but it's not competitive -- just stuff she's expressed an interest in or that we think would be help build confidence or a specific skill. But we're not over scheduled. We find joy in just normal every day stuff like walking home from school or doing a movie night. My husband and I often talk about how nice it is to have a child during the pandemic because it makes home life feel more meaningful and less repetitive -- she is always learning something new or has a different way of looking at the world -- it keeps things interesting.

Anyway, I think a lot of men and women think they hate parenting but they've really just painted themselves into a corner with a focus on a specific type of achievement and schedule but it is entirely their own fault and they could change it literally any time.[/quote]

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