Reply to Am I Being Unrealistic?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I want a guy with a good career, makes at least $150k/year, lives alone, never been married, and no kids. I prefer white men, in shape but not too muscular, no tattoos, no facial hair ( a little stubble is okay), and short hair. My lifestyle is having 2-3 kids and being able to live a comfortable life. We would have money to pay for childcare, family vacations, college, etc. [/quote]

I married one of those at almost 32. But he expected me to make at least 100k (which I did) and never stop working ever...[b]no break for kids...none except maternity leave[/b] (which I took only 6 weeks because my job is demanding). We are divorced. Terrible marriage. You need to think differently. Respect and kindness are not on you list. They should be. If they guy is not respectful or kind, his 150k+ salary is not going to give you the "lifestyle" you want. A guy who makes less who cares about what you want as a family might be a better fit. I was 40% of the household income. The man you think you are looking for often also expect women to do two jobs--raising a family and be a working mom with a stressful job--they will not necessarily want to provide it for you. [/quote]

Isn't that normal? My DH is a biglaw partner and also would be very opposed to me taking a "break for kids." [/quote]

Serious question, but what’s the point of a having a partner working all those hours in big law and making all that money if you can’t get off the treadmill ever to take care of your kids when they’re babies?  I don’t get it. [/quote]

Because I’m my own person? And we both take care of our babies? I guess we are both confused...[/quote]

My DH is a big law partner.  Thinking through the younger partners at his firm, most either have a SAH spouse or a spouse who went part time for a few years when the kids were very young.  It’s not impossible to be a big law partner with a spouse with a demanding, inflexible job, but it isn’t something most families want to deal with. And, most don’t have to because they can afford to buy the flexibility that comes with one income.  But, you already knew that and are being deliberately argumentative.   [/quote]

I think you’re the one being deliberatively argumentative. It’s atypical in this day and age for an able bodied adult to take a multi year pause from working. PP, who was bitter that her husband expected her to keep working, had strange expectations for her life. [/quote]

I am that PP. I did not have “strange” expectations. You want me to birth you a baby and not spend time with a baby and immediately expect me to go back to a six-figure job? That is ridiculous. Before getting married I said I would never do that. It was no kids or I take 3-4 years off or work part-time to be with babies before going back to work. I did not sign up for a doing both. Too hard to be a 1950s housewife and 100K+ earner simultaneously. It was one of the options and ultimately I said if I could not take a break, then no kids (he could afford it). He “changed his mind” and bullied me into having a kid. It was the worst way to raise little kids. They are now in elementary; we are divorced. My expectations were not strange. I did not want to work like a dog in two jobs. He wasn’t going to help with the baby stuff. [/quote]

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